toys i recommend

blu ray discs are simply amazing though simply expensive (compared to dvd). i didnt use to think that 'additional resolution blah blah' was worth it. i was quite happy with dvd quality movies, original ones or those masterfully copied from original ones. hence, i wasnt an 'early adopter' (term marketers use for those people who are usually first to 'adopt' a breakthrough product or service). even with flatscreens. yeah they looked nice but... i just didnt feel compelled to have one.

that investment in the LED tv fueled a desire to go hdmi all the way. so i finally got this blu ray disc player. even when the salesman was showing me a demo of the player, i was already floored with the quality. i was virtually speechless as he compared the same movie on blu ray and on dvd.

current prices of blu ray discs are at P1,500 - P1,800. pricey stuff. so i have resolved to buy only those i would want to watch over and over again. this is where my testosterone started asserting itself. it made more sense to buy big-budget adventure movies to see the stunning effects, with a good story to tell. im starting with the matrix reloaded and batman (dark knight). ironman blu ray is painfully out of stock.

my jaw dropped watching both films. you really, really do not need to go to the theatre anymore. visually stunning. and to think i havent made that investment in the home theatre equipment. that's for next level (and another reloading of deep pockets)

do they have kristen bjorn on blu ray? :)

serial sex

im on season 4 of x files. i watch this while in the car. im sure the driver is getting tired of hearing that x-files opening credits theme. i encounter serial killers over and over again. some of them have set numbers of victims before they hibernate for long periods. usually four or five victims. challenge of the duo is to get to the killer before he kills for the last time. mr tooms needed five livers for his genetic problem before he retreats into his self-made cocoon. african immigrant extracted pituitary glands of african-americans. he needed four to survive.

since cc became active again, he has had three different hook-ups every saturday. he's thinking that he needs just four before going back to fasting. yesterday, cc was on the look out. one more hook-up. he went to his friend's bar in qc. surveyed the place. nothing interesting. joined friends chatting and drinking. he notices from the corner of his eye this tall good-looking guy, being greeted by his friend with a warm hug. his focus narrows on this guy. he arranges an intro by his friend. he gets introduced to him, and his other good-looking pals.

unfortunately, when the guy opened his mouth to speak, attraction ended. not his type. enter his other friend, cute. jumps in and starts a conversation with cc. flirts. cc sizes up this cutie. not bad. looks like a willing receiver. they flirt. until he finds out cutie is from the same industry, competitor. he feels an invisible noose tighten. suddenly, it's just too hot. he excuses himself and leaves.

"cc, no take home??" asks his friend naughtily. cc smiles. "got to get up early."

saturday became sunday. no hook-up. missing one more for release.

sunday afternoon, cc goes to one of those spas. early bird that he is, he thought he'd be alone in the infamous wet area. there's another guy in the tub. as cc showers, guy gets next stall and overtly cruises him. cc tries to look oblivious. he goes to the dry sauna. guy follows. actually face is cute, tisoy, flabby. and very aggressive.

cc feels guy's knee brush against him. classic signal. cc doesnt budge. cc feels his hand on his thigh, going up to his crotch. cc watches should another guy come in. guy wastes no time licking and sucking his nipples, his hand caressing cc's c**k. cc watches him as he kneels in front of him, and takes him all in with his mouth. he attempts to kiss but cc turns his face. proceeds to blow him off, up and down his head bobs. cc grabs his head and thrusts it up his throat. he'd like to close his eyes but he doesnt dare let his guard down.

guy's good, really good. soon come is rising from within. cc mutters 'im near.. cummin na'. thinking guy might like to just jerk him off to release. but guy sucks him harder and harder until he comes inside his throat. guy laps it all up. no questions asked.

"ang sarap mo" he whispers. "ang sarap siguro kung i-f**k mo ako." cc pulls away. smiles. mutters. "yeah... sige kailangan ko ng maligo." guy jerks himself off as cc leaves, "thanks, sarap mo."

not exactly the hook-up he wanted. but enough to get him by. victim four done. time to hibernate.

BUI: mga walang katuturan

kagagaling ko lang sa inuman sa opisina. konti lang ang na-inom ko. pero feeling may-amats ako. eto ako ngayon, kumakain ng peras. craving ko sana chocolate kaso tataba ako. kaya peras na lang.

lumalakas ang patak ng ulan. ang ingay ng tama sa aircon.

parang nag-iinit ako kaso wala naman akong katabi. hmm. balikan ko na lang yung aking booking nung sabado. sa tagal kong nag-diet sa alam-mo-na, parang ang sarap-sarap na may kalaro. cute siya, kamukha ni oyo boy. gustong gusto ko yung accent niyang bisaya. malambing. kaya naman sa halikan palang, palaban na. sarap halikan ng kanyang labi! di nakakasawa! hahaha

at hanep sa performance. subo kung subo. parang kumakain ng pinakamasarap na putahe. nakapikit pa tapos titignan ako na parang masayang masaya siya sa ginagawa niya. sus! napapaliyad ako sa bawat subo, at ramdam na ramdam ko ang dila niyang mapaglaro.

act 1 pa lang yon. di rin tumagal ay pinadama ko na sa kanyang gusto kong pasukin siya. pinahiga ko siya sa kanyang tiyan at pumatong ako. gustong gusto niyang hinahalikan ko ang batok niya at kinakagat kagat,habang nararamdaman niya aking ari sa kanyang biluging puwet. at nung handa na siya ako naman ang pinahiga niya. mas gusto niyang siya ang uupo sa akin. para kontrolado ang pagpasok at maiwan ang sakit.

nahirapan siya nung umpisa ngunit di rin nagtagal at alam kong enjoy na siya. nasubukan namin ang ibat-ibang paraan ngunit da best talaga pag siya na aking nakahiga at nakataas ang mga paa. paborito kong posisyon yun! gustong gusto ko kasing hinahalikan siya habang tuloy tuloy ang labas pasok. at nakikita ko siyang nagsasariling sikap, sinasabayan ang aking mga galaw.

hanggang di na niya mapigilan, at ako rin... at sabay na kaming nilamon ng kaligayahan.

yan ang gusto ko sa kanya. kampante na kami sa isa't-isa kaya enjoy lang ng enjoy.

sige mga tol. pahinga na ako. sinabayan ko na rin ang pagblog ko. hahahaha

another triumph

Dear Diary,

I'm getting the hang of this! I've done it again. Expressed my feelings despite my fears. With no expectations. The honesty was appreciated. And again, it was liberating for me. Playing this pakiramdaman game was so tiring and ultimately, hurtful. Hopefully, Diary, I'll be always this way. I'll be straightforward and not beat around the bush.

I believe that by being honest especially about liking people, i affirm them. a natural consequence of doing things with love. again, not expecting anything out of the disclosure. except that they realize that they are special people.

I feel great. :)

expressing myself, finally

Dear Diary,

im proud of myself. i went out again with this uber-crush of mine, who happens to be very much attached. another non-date with him. i was surprised to receive a friendly text message from him this morning. i thought we have permanently lost touch with each other. well, on my end, it was quite deliberate not to continue communication. he remains in a relationship anyway.

but that text message quickly became a meet-up, only because i did say i was going to treat him for his birthday. but since i was wearing a different attitude this time, i wanted to stop playing coy with him and just be honest about how i feel for him. i just became tired of yet another date where we both are acting as if he doesnt know how special he is to me. so i was gathering enough courage to say it during the non-date. but i never got the chance.

coming home from the non-date, i suddenly felt that i still should express myself, if only through text. and after thanking him for a lovely time, i finally told him how i felt ...

'just delete this after reading. ive always wanted to say that you are such a great guy. if you were available, i would have fallen hard for you. so there, i just wanted to say it. no reply needed. good night!'

i still got a reply: three smileys. and that for me is enough. it is already liberating to have expressed how i felt. if he decides not to see me anymore, im fine with that. i feel really good and warm inside, knowing that i've managed to express myself, finally.

good night!

oscillations

i still struggle with the idea of casual sex versus my catholic faith. hence, i oscillate between phases of celiba-cc and pure indulgence. coming from the long weeks of celiba-cc, i am in an indulgent phase again.

fasting makes feasting so wonderful. so much pent-up desire results in award-winning performances and mind-blowing climax.

but cc is also changing. ive noticed that the pull of anonymous sex has weakened much. i havent indulged in that at all for months now. what used to be a temptation that i literally have to extricate myself from, has become a simple 'i-could-just-walk-away' situation.

casual sex is enjoyed now with 'friends'. i wouldn't even call them fubus. my understanding of a fubu is so transactional, even sports-like in engagement. i cannot enjoy sex that way. i need familiarity, attraction and loads of intimacy even after the sex, which i could only accomplish with 'friends'. so far, there's been a few who would willingly enjoy that with me. but some, i feel, expect more though they do not express it. there's this one person who doesnt seem to care about those things. i feel the genuine attraction and infatuation, even. but he knows his place.

he is one of those i enjoy sex intensely. he is such a willing giver. and he reserves the receptacle role for cc (or so he claims, though i feel truth to the claim, a tightness to the claim.) and the fact that there are no expectations yet much intimacy is the best.

as i turn the page on the search for TOFM, i'm thinking that this arrangement would be so ideal. as i express my love in my other relationships and stop needing a romantic one, i am also able to express my sexuality, glory in it with 'friends'.

but this ideal state was not the compromise situation i have arranged between my faith and me. and the guilt slowly creeps in. soon enough, i will be back to a phase of celiba-cc. and the cycle starts all over again.