the midyear fabcast, part 1

at eto na naman ang kulitan ng mga fabcasters.
it's our toast to the middle of 2009!

Listen: (Part 1, 13 mins 53 sec)

Download this fabcast (right click and save - 12.8 MB)

requiem

R. Martin D. Asturias The murder of my beloved sister 2 years ago, my framed up that cost me more than 1M, the death of my father, all contributes to my deep pain and lost of zeal for life. Now the one person that you love and trusted can just do this simply cos he knows I have no more place to go after I left Manila. Now that I am forced out... I will go. Again, SORRY AND THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO LOVE AND BELIEVED IN ME.on Friday

gruesome real-time reality of cyberspace.

cc met r martin about 15yrs back, a young, attractive and very drunk hunk in a defunct bar in annapolis, greenhills. cc used to frequent that place, and so did a lot of people. r martin and his friend joined cc and his inuman-mates. cc took r martin home that night, to his condo in makati as he was totally drunk. as horny as cc was, and as attractive r martin was, cc didnt take advantage. and for that r martin respected cc.

that became the start of a friendship. nothing too close. enough flirtation here and there. but never consummated. they would chat if they do see each other. cc even brokered a relationship between r martin and his best friend.

it was always a pleasant surprise for cc to see r martin, whether in malate, or in the gym, or in the mall. because r martin always had nice things to say.

then there was no communication anymore, up till facebook came along. updates on each other's lives were limited to comments and small messages.

until cc came across this gruesome wall message. and the messages and the buzz became loud and very clear. r martin has passed away, and it seemed he took his own life. a day away from his birthday.

cc remains in shock. and even repulsed at the way cyberspace has actually allowed this to unfold with nobody being able to help or intervene.

we are all passive witnesses to both joys and sorrows. to life and this time, to death.

may you rest in peace, r martin.

a comment i deeply appreciated

it's just the second session of the course. but i really prepared well for this course, improving on last year's handling. and i was a lot more relaxed.

after class, a foreign student came up to me. "i'd just like to congratulate you for the class, sir. i just came from telling the others about how much they shouldnt miss your class."

the comment floored me. "thank you very much. i hope to sustain the interest in the course! have a good day"

that lifted my spirits.

panandaliang pagtibok ng puso

at a business function...

friend introduced me to his colleague "hello cc. nice to meet you. i think we should talk about what our firm could do for your company. blah. blah. blah."

hmmm. gwapo. dark. kinda short but proportionate. nice eyes.

"hmmm. actually, well what you are discussing sounds interesting even. but i cant seem to justify the cost. i remain vague about the value."

"i understand. ill email the proposal to you. lets discuss that. im sure you will find the value in hiring our firm."

we then proceeded to talk about other matters, although still on the business side of things.

when he excused himself, my friend whispered "teh, may jowa yan. cute niya no? ay sobrang bait pa" i was hooked. "we dont talk about being gay with each other, pero siyempe, we've sniffed each other out" i wondered if i could get him to talk about it with me.

i looked forward to the email, which came on time, as he promised. we talked over the cell about the proposal. there was some subtle flirting, from me to him. though i was sensing that he may actually be flirting, too.

"you were able to get the email? i hope we could meet up soon to discuss. you available friday?"

(kinda surprised at the speed of things...) "hmm. friday's too tight for me. thursday, there's this window available..."

"sure, ill grab that. let's have lunch."

i was kilig, sobra. yeah, it's a business meeting but i couldn't help but romanticize the situation.

we met for lunch somewhere in makati. i swear it felt like a date. we were in one corner of the restaurant, the place he loves so much. and though we discussed business matters, he wasn't particularly pushy anymore. "i understand if you decide not to. let's just enjoy lunch." kinikilig na naman ako.

that lunch meeting stretched till 3pm. we even had coffee elsewhere. and we instantly disclosed personal stuff with one another. including the fact that he has a lover of four years.

the confirmation didnt really send my spirits drooping. i still found him immensely attractive. and smart. and genuinely nice. he seemed like he has a good heart.

but i chose not to be flirty anymore. it suddenly seemed pointless. despite my attraction to him, i was not about to go out and attempt to ruin a relationship. and even getting him to bed was no longer an objective. nagbabago na rin siguro ako.

which is why i had to write this post. the situation depressed me. a fleeting moment when my heart started beating fast again. but all in vain.

thank God for blogging, for allowing me to just release this to the universe.

south beach results in!!!

wow! i finally got the body fat reading at ff abs! this is my best reading ever. my weight down to 144lbs. my fat-to-lose is just 4.8lbs from 11.8lbs last december reading. my fat-free mass (muscle+bone) is at my highest ever at 111.8lbs (which means im not wasting my muscle away)

i still dont have the six pack but im really proud of the figures/stats!

the blowjob tweet

too much talking, too much laughing, too much wine
date in hand but nothing in my groin
as lovely as he still was
my dick knows better

horny. very horny. weeks and counting.
took a chance. neighborhood bathhouse still open.

ugh. too many people. bagets all over the dancefloor.
i didnt know where to start.
i didnt know how to get down
is it like this here every weekend?

a short smile meant that he was interested.
following me till i stripped down.
took up the seat beside me.
talking, chatting, flirting
with flimsy towels around

he was nice
he was young
he was generous
and he sucked great

he kept on sucking
and sucking
the pleasure at both heads
studly i felt
as he kneeled and sucked me
sucked me

hahanapin ko eto he whispers
until the last drop
squeezed out of my head
utter exhaustion
in this tiny room
faux leather wrapped around foam
this must be the sex mat

released and relieved
he asked for my number
"so we could remain friends"

it was hot.
it was what i needed.
it was good.

do i need a second time?
i dont know.
i was driving home, alone.